Today I discovered another roadblock I’ll have to get over if I’m going to finish the job. My boyfriend. Really, right now, the lack of my boyfriend. He went on vacation with his parents on Monday and won’t be back until the end of the month. I thought that this would actually be really helpful.

This summer, our relationship sort of went on turbo speed — we spend a ton of time together, staying together pretty much every night. There were a few tough conversations in there (it’s never easy to grow old when you’re 21), but ultimately it was the best summer of my life and solidified a lot for me. I was devastated when he left on Monday morning, and I refused to walk him to the bus because I knew I would start crying, and nobody wants to cry in public (I had already shed enough tears the night before, the day before, the morning of…).

But still, I told myself it would be a great opportunity to get some writing done. He’s been the one who has been encouraging me all this time. One of the first things he did when we were first dating was to give me a copy of Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. I just wish I was a good enough writer to be able to write about him and our relationship. But I don’t think I’m quite brave enough for that yet.

Anyway, the point is that I miss him too damn much. And this isn’t a love story I’m writing. But it’s just too hard not to think of him when I’m sitting down to try to get something done.